btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
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