it was like eating out sand paper
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
