I just found puke in my bra..
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Randomize
