Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
Randomize
