So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
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