As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
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