woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
Randomize
