Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
Is Oprah even human
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
Randomize