I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
and i looked up. we had an audience...
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
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