I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
Randomize
