$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
Randomize
