i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Randomize
