My room smells like vodka and shame
pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
Hippo gnu deer
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
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