My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
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