like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
Randomize
