Grow some girl-balls and come out already
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
Randomize
