Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
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