My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
Randomize
