also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
