yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
