I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
Randomize
