You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize