Fine. I'll sleep in my office
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
Randomize