New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
Randomize
