with your own penis?
There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
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