Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
They are going to name an STD after you.
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
Randomize
