Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
Randomize
