You made me cry and you don't even care
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
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