we're chasing vodka with high fives
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
You can't just leave with hair like that
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize
