its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
he fucked my hip out of place.
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
Randomize
