oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
Randomize
