what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
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