oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
