you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
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