if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
I have all the porn. Be there soon
Who is this?
Randomize
