just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
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