Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
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