worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
you have to choose: penises or morals?
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
