Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
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