i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
