Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
Randomize
