I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
We're using joints as your birthday candles
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
Randomize
