if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
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