Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
Randomize