I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
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