Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
Randomize
