look no pants
apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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