I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
so my class lasted 15 minutes this morning because this kid puked all over himself..only at radford
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
Randomize
