No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
Randomize
