from now on my penis is your penis
Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
How does one acquire holy water?
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
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