we have officially mastered the walk of shame
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
Randomize
