you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
Randomize
