There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
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