3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
Your shirt... Was in my pants
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
Randomize
