I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
Randomize