things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
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