i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
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