is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
Randomize
