you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
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