I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
Randomize
