that place is a roofie-colada waiting to happen
i'm ok with that.. with the right DD it's just a cheaper drunk.. it's the economy, stupid
I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Randomize
