I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
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