Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
dude i'm inner monologue high
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
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