Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
Randomize