He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
The adults are the big ones right?
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
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