Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
are you so shy because you have an std?
So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
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