we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
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