if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
Randomize
