you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Randomize
