butt plug
anus plug
rubbish cock?
yes
you suck at this game today
so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
Randomize