Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
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