wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
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