Tell her she can't have a vagina
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
Randomize
