where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
Randomize
