rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
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