i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
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