Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
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