so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
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