big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
