sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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