i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
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