Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
May the power of my ass compel you!!
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
Randomize
