JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
I just blew my weed a kiss
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
Randomize
