she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
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