If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
Randomize
