Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
Randomize