but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
Randomize
