so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
Randomize
