I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
Randomize
