So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
Randomize
