how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
I want a musical about memes.
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