I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
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