when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
The best revenge is premature balding
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
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