The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
