I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
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