i just had sex bonerless
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
Randomize
