just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
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