VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
When did angry sex become our thing?
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
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