Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
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