i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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