i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
Randomize
