oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
Randomize
